//Chapter 12

I hate this day to arrived but it will stil come every year.

Posted on 29.5.15

我把我灌醉。

It's this day that I will never forget.
You will never experience how painful I felt at that moment.
Although tomorrow is the day, time has always stopped at friday, 30 May 2014.
Now, it's been a year.

Baby boy,
you can never imagine how this relationship of ours can hurt me to what extent.
We were in changi hospital on this day, and you were having a major operation even till now.
My cousins, aunts and uncles surround by my bed trying to talk to me about you,
my parents hesitate to tell me about you as they are afraid that it will be a very huge blow to me.
I was constantly crying, and Ju Jie told me about how you might not be able to make it through.
I cried even more, at that point of time, my heart just couldn't hurt as much that it felt like it's gonna stop.
It felt the pain that I was going through and felt that it might be better for me not to carry on.
It was then I realised how much you meant in my life.
I just couldn't leave without you.
The pain I felt my tailbone fractured couldn't hurt as much as compared to my heart.
This time, I know that no matter how painful I felt, you can't be there to comfort me.
That time, I felt even more pain.
I couldn't just let you go, I got so much words to say to you,
so much of my time that I want to spend with you,
so much of my love, my care and concern I want to give to you.

It's going to be a year tomorrow.
I know that I have been staying strong this 1 year and that I'm so blessed to still have you in my life.
Let us press on okay?
If there's anything I could give to you,
I wish that I can give my life to you for the return of the life you are leading now.
Iloveyou so much baby boy.
I couldn't not love you anymore.

xoxo, Li En